Saturday, November 19, 2011

PMA, PMS and the Universe

My husband's all about PMA (positive mental attitude), while I'm all about PMS.  The first involves denying reality, not making contingencies for emergencies (don't you love the way those two words look together?) and thinking that if you don't talk about a problem, it doesn't exist.  The second involves bloating, eating, cravings, procrastinating, brain fog, cramping, irritability and mood swings and chocolate.  Did I mention chocolate?

According to my husband PMA can cure a cold, mend broken bones, lower cholesterol, and make your whites whiter.  Bless his heart.  I wish I had more PMA, not that I'm necessarily NMA (negative mental attitude), I think I'm just mostly MMIA (mentally missing in action--you know the light is on but I'm gone eating chocolate somewhere.)

My husband is also a firm believer in "putting things out in the universe."  This means that if you want something to happen, you think about it, you say it out loud, you write it down and the universe delivers. 

For instance, a couple months ago he thought he would like to go on a foreign trip so he sent his request into the universe and lo and behold within a couple months the universe delivered.  He went on two foreign trips (both work related).  The universe respects my husband probably because he is a serious man--one who dots his i's, and crosses his t's and never j-walks. 

The universe does not take me seriously.  Maybe it's because I wear mismatched socks, sing Captain and Tenille songs and tell your mom jokes to my kids.  If there's something I really want, I am smart enough to keep it on the DL because if I think it, say it or breath it, I will jinx myself and the universe will laugh in my face.

Just this past week, I let this thought escape into the universe: Gee it's been a long time (20 years) since we've  had goldfish.

About 30 minutes later there was a knock on the door.  When I opened it there was a plastic bag containing 3 goldfish with this note: Broil 2 minutes on each side.  Season with a pinch of salt.  Enjoy. 

Dear Universe:

If you get a message from me, just ignore it unless it involves money, a clean house, or buns of steel. 



P.S. The fish didn't even taste that good.


  1. Or if it involves chocolate :). This was hysterical. Put a smile on my face. I'm with you. I think the universe works in reverse for me too, so I don't even put things that I really want to happen on my calendar because some evil spirit might see it and thwart my chances of being able to do it.

  2. I need some of that PMA your husband has. Does it work if he puts it out into the universe on behalf of someone else? If so, can I put in my request for (1) stomach and butt melting away, (2) house elves to keep the home mess to a bare minimum, and (3)awww...heck...I'll just go eat chocolate.

  3. You are so funny! I am always joking about sending things out to the universe. Sometimes it works--I think when the universe is in a jokey mood.

  4. Its true! I have seen Ric in action doing this! If he doesn't want a meeting to last too long, (like a Christmas party planning meeting) he will put it out there in the universe (in the form of eye rolling and heaving sighing) and low and behold, the meeting gets done pretty quick! JK

  5. LOL - oh my goodness you are hilarious. I think we are so much the same. I've tried putting stuff out in the universe, but it just ignores me. Honestly - it could at least acknowledge me, right? Ugh! O-well. I don't want to jinx myself either, so I will continue to keep my mouth shut!

  6. I my freakin' heck! This post was hilarious. I swear I could have hear Eeyore reading it to me. And then you got to the end.


    But what a surprise ending. Great job.

  7. love you for making my universal epic fail of a santa laugh ho ho ho! i think you've discovered what you should be when you grow up. just admit it! you're a light!

  8. love you for making my universal epic fail of a santa laugh ho ho ho! i think you've discovered what you should be when you grow up. just admit it! you're a light!