Monday, January 18, 2016

Enabling Power

Hey, I just remembered about this thing and my New Year's Resolution from 2015 to blog once a week. . .  so. here. I. am.

I was going to blog about how Christmas kicked my butt--like it does every year. It was good too. It's just hard being me, (unorganized, forgetful, insomniac, chocoholic) at Christmas time. But I'm not going to.

I also thought about sending out my 2016 Christmas card via my blog now because then I wouldn't have to do it in December. But maybe next time.

I thought about blogging about how I finally managed to run a mile. It was a 14 minute mile. . . but, butt. . . I did it. I was feeling pretty good and then my friend said, "Do you know you're running on an incline?" I was stoked because I still had gas (the energy kind mostly)  and I was running uphill. Unfortunately, when she said incline, what she was really politely saying was decline. She flattened my route and I felt like I was running into a headwind or a semi-truck. Blah. But I finished.

I could write about my new haircut which is kind of spiky on top. After spending forever getting it to spike, a kind lady said to me, "Excuse me, your hair is sticking straight up." And instead of saying, "I know, I flattened it. But I'm not going to write about that either.

I'm going to write about how I went to visit my father-in-law last week. In case you can't remember, or you don't usually read my blog, or you have part-timers, I will remind you that my father-in-law has Alzheimers.

But then this happened.

I went to see Grandpa after going to the temple. He was sitting at the table getting ready to eat lunch. I said to him, “So, did Ric come and visit you today?” (He did.) Dad got mad at me and told me that he wasn’t stupid. I told him I didn’t think he was stupid. He was still angry and mumbled some more things that weren’t nice. I tried to change the subject by talking about when he went to watch his granddaughter play basketball. He got even more agitated and told me that I didn’t know anything about basketball and that I wasn’t even a team player. He kept yelling. . .

I’ve had him angry at me before, but I’ve usually been able to calm him down and get him talking about something familiar. This time, though, I couldn’t get through to him at all. He just kept yelling. I started crying. It hurt so much more than I expected.  Still crying, I went to leave.  One of the workers, Linda, gave me a big hug and told me it wasn’t really my dad. I knew that, but the hurt was real and strong. I came home and cried for another hour.

When G-Pa first came to live with us, it rocked my world. I finally found strength to cope by living and experiencing joy in the moment. But in that moment with him, there was absolutely no joy. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. How did I not see this coming? 

Things are better now. Well, they aren’t better, but I’m better. I taught the lesson in YW. It was on the Savior. I was drawn to the part about the enabling power of the atonement.

I got to study awesome scriptures like these:

Isaiah 41:
10 ¶Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
13 For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Mathew 11:
28 ¶Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

John 14:
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Philippians 4: 
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Mosiah 24:
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

Alma 27:
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Alma 36:
3 And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

Ether 12:
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Surely, He has borne my griefs and carried my sorrows. (Isaiah 53:4) 

The atonement is real. Christ is real. And because it's real and He's real, I can do hard things and be okay.  And that my friends is nothing short of miraculous.

G-Pa and Ric in the "better" days.