Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why I haven’t blogged for 5 months.

  1. Had some swine flu.
  2. Had some mysterious meningitis type illness.
  3. Had a funeral.
  4. Had a wedding.
  5. Had a daughter leave for Mexico.
  6. Had a new grandson.
  7. Had a mid-life crisis.
  8. Was busy growing out my hair.
  9. Also I always stressed tht I had a typo or spelled somthing wrong or said something weird.  Okay, now I don’t have to stress anymore.  Right?

            Swine Flu is a nasty thing, and seeing as our family started the whole epidemic, it is only just that we ended up with it.  We took the swine flu to Mexico last April while there for spring break.  We took my daughter who was very ill with a fever, cough, runny nose, sore throat, etc.  She breathed on people, she occasionally forgot to cough in her elbow, and she petted some goats who probably had swine friends.  By the time we left Mexico, she was better and the first cases of Swine Flu were officially reported. In fairness to the pigs, the flu should probably be called Morganne flu or at least Monki flu which is my daughter’s nickname.
            We were feeling like we had cheated the swine flu gods and dumped our poor health on Mexico, until November came and the swine flu attacked my 12 year old daughter, Tess, who happens to love bacon.    
            Tess does not do sick well.  Tess has to be moving, has to be doing.  If she’s not, someone is going to pay and it’s usually me.  She was throwing up, lying on the couch, burning up with fever, coughing, complaining of a sore throat, too sick to move. Literally.  Yet she was moaning, “I’m bored.  There’s nothing to do.”  How can you do something, when you can’t even lift your head???  And I thought that was bad until she gave the flu to my son. 
            The problem with giving the flu to Luke is that he does not have as many years of “sick” experience.  Therefore he is not as familiar with the feelings of nauseousness and such.  I found this out the hard way as I was driving with him in the back seat and he started spewing.  I have seen Old Faithful erupt and I have seen Luke erupt.  Both are forces not easily reckoned with. 
            Now, you should know one thing.  I do not do throw-up.  I throw up when people throw up.  I throw up when I hear other people throw up.  I throw up when I smell throw up.  My husband and I have a long standing agreement.  He handles things that come out of the top half of the child, I handle the bottom half. 
            Once when my husband was out of town, our dalmation dog threw up in the house.  I closed the door to that room.  My husband cleaned it up 3 days later when he got home and we got new carpet which you should know we were planning on getting anyway.
            So, when Luke threw up in the van and Ric was out of town and wouldn’t be home for several days, my options were: 
1.                  I could go buy a new car although somebody would have to drive me there since I couldn’t drive myself in my car.  Also, my van is fairly new, and doing something like that would likely end my marriage and then who would clean up the next time Luke threw up?
2.                  I could call my visiting teachers, the same ones that are always saying, “Can we do anything to help you?”
3.                  I could not drive anywhere until my husband got back several days later. . .
4.                  Or, I could clean it up myself, which I did, thank you very much.

            So, yes I cleaned up the vomitous puke all by myself.  Yes I dry heaved in my driveway several times.  Yes, I threw away one fleece blanket and a jacket, but hey, I did it. 
            So this got me to thinking, what good is a college education when it comes to situations like these?  Come on Algebra, Biology and Humanities, how can you help me now?  Physical Science and English 312, you’ve got nothing on this.  This is real life for pete’s sake.  (Who is Pete anyway?)  Where’s a manual for this?  Did I learn anything useful in school?

            --Oh, did I mention that after I'd cleaned up the van, I came inside, sat by Luke and said, "Buddy, are you going to throw-up again?"
            "No," he replied and then puked in my face.