Monday, July 26, 2010

Airbending and Bad Lyrics

I just took a road trip with 5 family members. Road trips with family are great except for the part where you are in the car for 10+ hours with a son who is an airbender. If you do not know what an airbender is you should watch the movie The Last Airbender, only wait until it comes to the dollar theater or to RedBox or if you are rich go see it anyway and play games on your cell phone or watch another movie on your iPod, not that I have ever done that mostly because I don’t have an iPod, or you could take a pillow so you could have a more comfortable nap than I did. Or, better yet, watch the cartoon, Aviatar because it is somucho better than the movie; however, I think you need NetFlex to do this or relatives that have NetFlex or somebody that has bought seasons of Avatar on DVD.

For those of you who are not going to watch Avatar or The Last Airbender, in a nutshell, an airbender is someone that can move air in a destructive manner, at least it is destructive if you are the BAD guy who is having air bent at you because there is only one airbender and he is a good guy and bald and has an arrow on his head.

Anyway on this long road trip with much airbending, we listened to music. My son played a song from a band, which fortunately I don’t recall the name of else they would be ruined by this post, who he is familiar with because he is friends with one of the band members. The reason I am writing all this is because the lyrics to their song went like this: “I’m digging you like a grave. . .” Really??? Really??? Why not, “I’m picking you like my nose,” or “my seat,” or “I’m holding you like my breath,” or “my bladder.” The bladder came up because as I said, it was a long trip.

However, there are much more famous bands with equally bad lyrics. Some of my favorites are:

“I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm” (Wham)

I wonder how this would hold up in a court of law. I’d like to cross examine the witness your honor. (To the witness:) DANCE you fool. Ah ha, so you can’t dance. Guilty! I knew it was you all along!

“Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying
What you’re thinking of me”—(Paul Anka’s (You’re Having My Baby)

Personally, I just send a card or flowers.

“Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
Cause it took so long to make it
And I’ll never have that recipe again - - oh no!” (MacArthur Park, lyrics by Jimmy Webb)

So many questions. Why did he bake a cake in the first place? Why did he take it out in the rain? Why did it get left there? And why oh why did it take so long to make? And where did the recipe go?

And one of my all time favorites:

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair (Neil Diamond)

Neil maybe you should come to America, marry a Kentucky woman whose name is sweet Caroline and stop talking to furniture. Or maybe you just need a new chair, but then again, my furniture never listens. However, my fridge does talk. It calls me and I obediently come running.

For more great lyrics like the ones below, check out the following link:

I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me

I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure


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