Fall, Brain Damage and Flies

Some of the better things about fall are that it is no longer necessary to mow the lawn, unless you are my husband. He continues to mow even though no one can tell. I think it’s a man thing because all the men in our neighborhood continue to mow. I think you get some kind of man prize for being the last mower. 

Another perk about autumn is that flies fly slower and I can actually swat some of them. The ones that I keep missing die soon anyway. Recently I had a medical condition that has left me a little unbalanced, forgetful, screwed up my depth perception, and messed with my hand-eye coordination. In other words I have a bit of brain damage, which, actually serves as a handy excuse in most situations, although it has not served me well when I am trying to swat flies.

Thirty five years ago this would not have been a problem because I was an anti-fly swatting, pest loving, tree hugging kind of girl. In other words I was weird. Okay, I probably had brain damage back then too.

Once in the third grade when I went out for recess on a cold fall day, I noticed that the flies could not fly. They stuck to the walls, poor things. Lucky they had me around. I scooped them up with my bare hands, which I’m sure I didn’t wash afterwards and this was long before hand sanitizer came on the market, and put them in my pencil box, which I put inside my desk when recess was over. Once inside, the flies warmed up. Of course I cracked the lid of the pencil box open not wanting them to suffocate. One by one they began to fly out of the box. They swarmed around my teacher’s head, who yelled, “Where are all these flies coming from?” She then got the fly swatter and killed them all in cold blood.

Traumatized and devastated, I came home from school and told my mom the whole sad story. Turns out she had done the exact same thing in elementary school. What are the odds? Anybody else out there have a similar experience?

Unfortunately or fortunately, my fly loving days are over. I am now an avid killer of flies and most of the time spiders. Sometimes, however I trap spiders under a cup and take them outside to freeze to death. At least I don’t have their blood directly on my hands, right?