Fish Food

I have this strange fascination/ horror with the ocean.  If I could be any animal, I would be a dolphin or a killer whale, yet on the other hand, my worst nightmare is to be lost at sea. My ancestors came over on a boat and very thankful I am to them.  All I’m saying is that if I weren’t born here, I wouldn’t be here.   Have you read all those Reader’s Digest stories about people bobbing up and down in the ocean holding onto a slivers of wood, sharks nibbling their toes, skin blistered and bleeding from the sun, or worse, dealing with the cold and sloshing around like ice cubes in a crazy carbonated glass of Coke watching boats pass by, dying from thirst while floating in a gazillion gallons of undrinkable water?  People, the ocean is scary!  Why would you go out in it unless you are a fish a BIG fish?

That is why, when I was sitting with my swine flu-infested daughter watching Animal Planet and a show came on about people who had survived shark attacks, I had to keep watching.  It’s all because of my sick, morbid, fascination. 

Only I learned some really great news, the attack didn’t hurt too badly, at the time that is.  Later might have been a different story.  A lady who was attacked while swimming heard a pop and thought her hip had come out of socket.  SHE WAS SO WRONG.  Her entire leg had been taken off in one bite.  And another man, who only lost half his leg, said that he felt a lot of pressure and was shaken around like a rag doll but had no real pain.  So remember that happy news if you are being attacked by a shark.

Sharks are one of the reasons I prefer lakes.  I figure I can take on a fish.  Once at Lake Powell a fish nibbled on my toes while I was treading water.  At least I think it was a fish.  And, who could blame him?  My toes are kind of long and wormish looking. 

In fact, just a couple months ago, my husband and I, and friends (and no kids) were recreating on a lake.  The recreating was very fun, especially the part where there were no kids and the part where I, my friend, and my husband were jetting across the lake on wave runners.  I felt like Charlie’s Angels only my husband is not a woman, just an angel and my thighs were very jiggley, a bit more jiggley than the angel’s I think.  And then in an e-mail I got picture of a fish a man caught in the lake we were par-tay-ing in and it put a gloomy cloud over my happy lake memories.

I think it’s a good thing we didn’t take any kids.  Can you say fish food?