Hurray for Clothes or Clothes Don't Make the Woman but the Woman Makes the Clothes but not on a Sewing Machine

I have been at a posh resort all week with my husband.  While he is in meetings all day, I am eating peanut butter on bread, bananas, nectarines, carrot sticks and candy bars in my hotel room.  Also, I am not getting dressed, looking at the 500 emails in my inbox, organizing my photos from the past several years--who are these people and what are they doing??? reading Harry Potter 7 again, cat-napping, and writing blog posts and mediocre adolescent literature.  I am quite content to be left in this room by myself.  I don't get a lot of by-myself-time with 7 children.  I did venture out once to read by the pool.  The only problem was that I had to put on my swimming suit or else I'd look like a doofus and my legs looked like cottage cheese--texture-wise and color-wise.

I ventured out of my room again the next evening to go to a swanky dinner reception with my husband.  The only problem was that I had to get out of my pajamas at 5:00 p.m., comb my hair, put on make-up, shave my legs with my husbands electric razor, and brush my teeth and I didn't have anything swanky to wear.

Most everyone, except for the men, were in high-heels and cocktail dresses. I heard once that high-heels were invented by men so they could watch womens' behinds wiggle.  I cannot balance a checkbook much less myself on three inch spikes.

I was in a skirt I bought for $5.00 probably sometime in the last decade, a "respectable" looking shirt, and my Bible sandals, okay at least they were post Old Testament. How was I supposed to know I'd be invited to this thing?  Okay, honestly, I wouldn't have had anything to wear anyway.



(Me)





("Them")



I was feeling kind of conspicuous, but really enjoying the food after my week long forage of peanut butter, when Marsha was called to the podium during the business part of the reception.  She was dressed kind of like me only in pants.  She was wearing the same color as the commentator who jokingly commented that she was dressed better than Marsha.  Drinking tall glasses of wine makes you say things like this.  It also makes you feel warm and tingly and like you can yodel and belly-dance in public, or so I've heard. 



Here is what Marsha said to the commentator lady.  "You always look impecable, have the best fashion sense, and dress stunningly.  I on the other hand," she continued, "am always dressed."  This got a big laugh.  I wanted to high-five this lady and give out a friendly woot, woot, because I knew where she was coming from--mostly the pajama-bottom, t-shirt state-of-mind that I live in--but I didn't because my husband would have turned red. 

I like Marsha.  I like that she wears clothes.  I like that she's comfortable with who she is.  I like that she made me feel comfortable too.  So Marsha, thanks for making me delicious.

As First Lady I Solemnly Swear. . .

Apparently Michelle Obama dresses quite nicely. I haven’t noticed this. I’m sure she probably does. I don’t tend to notice what people are wearing, I do notice however if they are wearing something as opposed to not wearing something. So while not a great advocate of fashion, I am a great advocate of clothes. Everybody should wear them.

I read about First Lady Obama’s great fashion look in USA Today. I don’t usually read USA Today, but I was staying at the “Del.” That’s what everyone called it, which I find funny because isn’t “del” a preposition? So are they really saying, “Welcome to the Of The?” Wouldn’t you say, welcome to the Hotel Del Coronado or maybe the Coronado, but the Del?

Back to USA Today. Evidently Michelle (can I call the first lady that?) has this oh so nice white blouse (which reportedly she’s worn more than once—SHOCKING), and some green pumps, (green is my favorite color) and a smashing belt. And here’s the good news. I can get knock-offs of all these things for a couple hundred dollars, each!

Hello people. Hello first lady. Did you know that we are in a recession? That is more than my clothing budget for an entire year. If I bought that, I’d have to wear it every day. I wonder how it looks inside out? (Remember the 80’s when you wore your sweat shirt inside out for a different look. . . or was that just me?) Also slacks or a skirt were not mentioned. This creates a small problem.

My dream—a first lady that shops at Target. Say it like “Tar-jay,” you’ll feel better. And while the green pumps were very appealing, if I was going to do as much walking as the first lady, I would opt for green sneakers. And would it kill the first lady to wear sweats once in a while? It would do a heap of good for my morale.

So here is my first campaign promise if I am ever elected first lady. I solemnly swear (with my hand on a bag of chocolate chips) that I will not wear designer clothes. Not even knock-offs. I will make women everywhere feel better by wearing sweats, jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, sneakers and flip flops with maybe an occasional pajama bottom. If I have to wear a dress, I will be on my way to church and my feet will be happy feet in my sensible but colorful flats. You should be able to duplicate my wardrobe by shopping the clearance rack at any Tar-jay, Ross Dress for Less, or Deseret Industries.